warhol got stuck in a lomo* vollbracht in a sack. said:

★ hoshi tabeyo~
and the story goes.
living.loving.leaving.dreaming.dancing running.sleeping.eating. ||in|| *the pretty leaves

Everything’s so blurry, and everyone’s so fake
And everybody’s empty, and everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you, I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you, I stumbled and I crawl
you could be my someone you could be my scene
You know that I’ll protect you from all of the obscene
I wonder what you’re doing Imagine where you are
There’s oceans in between us, and that’s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face

Everyone is changing, there’s no one left that’s real
So make up your own ending, and let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost with out you, I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you, I stumbled and I crawl
you could be my someone you could be my scene
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you’re doin I wonder where you are
There’s  oceans in between us but that’s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me

Oh nobody told me what you thought,
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn,
Told you when to run away
Nobody told you where to hide,
Nobody told you what to say
everyone  showed you where to turn,
Showed you when to run away

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me

No!
This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away...
This pain you gave to me

pain inspires*

i realise that i am really into the rich-poor advantage-welfare thingy

and also the struggle of progress and overurbanizing. the kinda brave new world thing.
as is of everything in the world. it's about balance. and i am on my way, my personal journey to determine where exactly the right balance is.

anyway back to the main point.
being unfairly reprimanded for something that i feel that i did not fairly deserve, really got to me.
it hit a raw nerve so hard and dug deep into the depths of the family grave and found all the ugly decaying skeletons buried underneath.

me, applied and got accepted for a short stint to travel on board a cruise ship and attend lessons with japanese students for 3days while sailing from vietnam to singapore.

it is a very interesting program that would greatly value-add to me as a person and help bring me to my greater future.

the problem:
my auntie saw that as a problem as i 1) went for many overseas school trips that have drained my family's financial resources 2) contributed to great torture to my 5o year old mother who still has to run about and hit sales targets 3) i'm going for these programmes and not willing to drop out of them because i am afraid to lose face.

THE ABOVE SAID IN A SLEW WITH A HARSH ANGRY ACCUSING TONE IN A SPAN OF SAY TEN TO FIFTEEN MINUTES HAS CAUSED ME GREAT PAIN AND GRIEVE.

my rebuttals to the highly fallacious statements that were made:

firstly, did my mother really complain to her about it.
if so, i can only say that she doesn't understand it and ultimately me, at all.
and i would rather hear it all from her and not some auntie who is quite an outsider, who doesn't know the whole situation. (Seriously, as much as i like u and respect you aunt, stop bossing me around and choosing me as an easy target to shout at just because i cant be bothered and was much too tired to react to you)

secondly, for this short stint, i am financing my whole trip, so who are u to scold me about it.

thirdly, you, who do not see the value and long-term benefits for all these things i am doing seriously need to be enlightened and educated by it. i shall write them a black-and-white to tell them about it next time. and together with it. the amount of money (estimated) that i am indebted to her/them for it.

THIS WHOLE SAGA HAS LED ME TO THE POINT OF HOW
-the poor is greatly disadvantaged, and hindered by the lack of financial resource and freedom, to ever reach their full potential.

e.g. 1 My personal situation

e.g. 2 (which is more poignant) The high attrition rates of children of poor families after completing primary or even secondary school.

Anyhow, i'd like to apologize to the people who had to tahan my foul mood and angered tones. Ah yi, xian and Simon, you guys have been all sweethearts*

the one who loves me freely but is gallivanting in cambodiaaa. i miss you much!

the sadness of it all.
everyone but my family is able to love me and SHoW that love to me.
my family loves me in an invisible way. i can sometimes see it, i rarely hear it and i'm not sure i feel it at all.

i seriously need, want, to move out.
SOON.

whimsies*

the beautiful clown horsing around wearing a deadpan serious face*

sometimes the road ahead is paved with anything but good intentions. ü ö ä [hosie posie rosie*]